All Gas No Flame

What exactly does it mean to be Gaslighted…. and the effects it has on it’s victims ……

"You Know that's just because you are so insecure"

Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that causes the victim to question their reality, judgement, self perception, and in most extreme circumstances their sanity. Most Gaslighters distort the truth to manipulate ,confuse and control their victims. What was once only a word ; is now one of the most common forms of abuse affecting many relationships. Gaslighting is a way for someone to deflect responsibility,while making another self conscious, while at the same time actively indulging in some sort of bond.

What part of the game is this ?

The most recent form of gaslighting requires only mind manipulation, which is the ability to make one doubt their memory or perception especially when recalling events or moments. I can almost be sure that someone has tried to gaslight you at some point in your life, if at no other time, most definitely during the time of dating.

Gaslighting can be extremely hard to identify, primarily because it isn't an acute onset, more so a gradual increase over time, similar to finess. In most cases the victim isn't aware of the malicious behavior that is being demonstrated, yet they feel it in every bone in their body, often described as: feeling confused, anxious, depressed yet unable to pinpoint the source of these feelings, but intuitively aware that something is not quite right. Intuitively you know yet you can't seem to trust yourself, which leads to self doubt; a perfect mindset for the person who is doing the gaslighting. Now somehow you're forgetful, imagininging things, or psychologically placing yourself in situations that are out of touch with reality, being told that you are "Crazy or Weird '' just to name a few of the terms used frequently by the gaslighter, as they attempt to make their victim feel as if they are experiencing cognitive lapses, as a way to gain control over one's thoughts that ultimately supports their controlling behaviors. Gaslighters often enjoy deflecting blame, shifting blame,discrediting, trivializing,forgetting,twisting and reframing conversations to deviate from wrongdoing.

Who made you this way ?

Despite this society wanting to make us think that people are "Born this way" when their behaviors appear to be deviant, this my friend is not the case. Gaslighting is a learned behavior. These genes are not genetically inherited nor are they passed on through blood lines; they are taught just like many other negative behaviors such as abuse and racism. A Gas lighter is a student of their environment and social settings. They observe the behavior of those they are surrounded by , they see the effects of it and when associated with reward they then adopt it and make it a part of their toolbox. The gaslighter may not even know what they are doing or set out to be completely manipulative but the moment that their behavior gets them what they want, it's adapted, repeated and used intentionally. In most cases gaslighters grew up in a home or were around people that exhibit the same behaviors, therefore it is very hard for them to acknowledge their behavior or the toil that is taking on the relationship. The gaslighter has developed a mindset that even they will need help understanding.

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Identify who's lighting the Gas!
The Gaslighter often undermines their victims emotions and feelings as a way to deny their reality.

The Gaslighter continues to invalidate how the other partner feels about the situation, insinuating that their perception is wrong.

The Gaslighter often insinuates or convences the victim that they could be imagining or "making up" scenarios that don't exist, when in reality the feelings that the person is experiencing are real.
The Gaslighter often undermines the other person to the point they have nowhere left to stand, and word might lead to a disagreement.

The Gaslighter is only comfortable talking about their feelings and emotions when and how they want to.

The Gaslighter will Never acknowledge their wrong doing or the feelings of the other.

The Gaslighter will use phrases like:

"Your sound crazy"

I was just joking!

That never happened

You don't remember things clearly

There you go again

Here we go again

Did you catch a flame?

Many times victims are left asking and experiencing :

Am I good enough ?

You begin lying to yourself to avoid put-downs or twist in reality

You begin making excuses for his behaviors that even you can't understand.

You begin faking happy

Find yourself always apologizing or forgiving dysfunctional behavior

You often feel confused about the connection

Find yourself asking "Am I too sensitive?"

Find yourself reasoning with self about the others behavior

Although this many seem like straight bullshit to most, victims of gaslighting suffer many long term effects much like any other form of abuse. Overtime victims maladapt to being able to trust themselves this can often lead to: excessive worrying which physically manifests as depression. The victim may become fearful of a relationship which is physically manifest as anxiety. As an attempt to avoid potential gaslighters one may find themselves in Isolation; a defence mechanism to prevent the likelihood of experiencing this type of trauma again. As negative attitudes develop victims may generalize a group of people based on their experience in relationships. Victims may take on their abuse gaslighting patterns and become an abuser. Being a victim of gaslighting can have many psychological effects therefore it is necessary that you recognize the signs and symptoms fast so that you do find yourself caught in the crossfire of a gaslighter.

When we know better we do better ESI -